ALL AT STAKE

all at stake
I lost my shirt
to the owner of the night
bet it all on black
silly me
to think I even had a chance
punished with exhaustion
I lie in bed
there is nothing for me out there anymore
except an empty fish bowl
full of skeletons
and so I dream
though not asleep
my eyes wide open
I dream about that which I know
cannot be found
and when I’m done dreaming
I blink my eyes
get up and piss out yellow water
and brush my yellow teeth
I should be out there
warming some barstool
giving a speech to an audience of cheap beers
and warm bourbon
I should be looking for god
or at least a tidy piece of ass, but no
here I sit
shirtless now
sweating in the glow of a naked bulb
which flickers on and off
leaving me sometimes in the darkness
and sometimes in the light
I am disinterested now
but still I watch this world go by
like a roulette player
watching the ball spin round and round
when he has nothing riding on it
no wager at all
except the thought
of what could have been