DODGING RAINDROPS

dodging raindrops
on and off it rains
these days
like we’re in some fucking
tropical forest
it’ll pour for an hour
stop
and be clear blue sky
five minutes later
or it’ll be clear blue sky one minute
and then be drizzling for hours
little gobs of spit
flying from the mouths of the gods
as they sit upon barstools
in the skies
haggling over riddles
of dead souls
the gods
I laugh
to live forever must be so boring
what a pain in the eternal ass
so what can a man like me do
but go out
and dodge the raindrops?
see this little city of mine
in a damp, shiny mist
I go into the bar where I work
and look for my paycheck
at first I can’t find it
so I shout
WHAT THE FUCKIN’ SHIT??!!
the bartender
a friend of mine
he comes over to see what it’s all about
he looks on the same shelves I’ve looked
and says,
I don’t know, man
goes back to pouring beer
I go behind the bar and check the other place
where it might be
and the first thing I grab is my check
I rip it open to make sure
it’s for the right amount
and it is.
satisfied
I make off towards the bank
the ATM
with my work check
and one other check
it feels good to make a deposit
in my short life
I’ve already spent long stints
only making withdrawals
one, two, three, seven, eight months at a time
yes, it’s nice to be making deposits these days
I leave the ATM and round the corner
to the coffee shop
I’m not going in but I like to walk by
like to see who’s at it
who’s up to nothing
of course he’s there
the phantom of this goddamn town
or at least my version of it
the one who spends every night
wandering in and out of every bar
searching for the action
the girls
I want to grab him by the shirt
yell in his face
THERE’S NO FUCKIN’ ACTION IN THIS TOWN!!!
NOT THE KIND YOU’RE LOOKING FOR!!!
SO GET USED TO IT!!!
GO TO BANGKOK OR MONTREAL!!!
GO TO PHNOM PENH OR MONTERREY!!
I get a hold of myself and slip past him
sitting there in his chair
starting to warm the burner of hope
maybe I’ll check out the bookstore
pick out a few books and flip through them
of course I won’t buy
but it’s fun to look
I open up the door
and some jerkoff
is standing in front of a large group of yuppies
telling them how to make HARD MONEY
all their eyes turn to me
and it’s like by complete accident
I stole his thunder
but I’m not in the mood for being stared at
so I turn back towards the door
hobble out into the night
the raindrops are coming down faster now
harder to dodge
they remind me of teardrops
but whose
I cannot recall
they belong to everyone
as though each was a pearl
which we passed around the world
hot potato, wet teardrop
I pass the parking garage
remember the night I woke up in the stairway there
or the night I met a friend and talked for hours
blowing smoke out over the city
I head back towards my apartment
make an assessment of my journey
I walked out with a check for forty nine dollars
picked up the check from work
that one was for a hundred and eighty five
I deposited them both
a two hundred and thirty four dollar gain
the rains come down harder
so I walk close to the buildings
under the awnings
I open the door to my apartment
and make for the third floor
remove my shirt and pants
lie back down in bed and decide
yes, I will leave again
I will stay as long as I can
save up as much as I can
and I will leave again
South America, this time
Columbia, probably
I have a contact down there
I will stay on his couch until I find a place
with a corner bar
then I will find a girl
a gorgeous native beauty
we’ll have some train wreck love affair
which will last maybe a month or two
then I’ll either leave in the night
or stay
and see what it feels like
to have her brother’s knife against my neck
I’ll promise to stay
and then I either will or I won’t
and I will do that until the money runs out
and after that
who knows
it feels strange to tell you this
like I’m impersonating some prophet or seer
like I actually have some insight into my future
like I’m some sort of night time mystic
rubbing a stone to know the truth
but I’m not
I’m just another drifter
in a world of coming and going
where you can either be afraid to leave
to go at it alone
or be afraid to stay
and go at it alone