INTERNET JUNKIE

something was wrong with the internet
this morning
so, as is normal at these times
I went into a wild rage
punching my desk
the ceiling
kicking the walls

smashed an umbrella against the floor
then threw it across the room

grasped my computer
picked it up
set it back down again
stormed into the other room

anything I could do
to avoid putting my fist through the screen
to avoid doing that again

(a third time, actually)

went downstairs
made a cup of green tea to relax
get my mind off things

came back
and tried the web browser again
no luck
Safari, my ass
I can’t even get online
never mind go anyplace exotic

in the top right corner
the Airport icon says I have a full signal

but when I click refresh on the page
the message that loads tells a different story
like two kids
in separate rooms
explaining why the family cat
is covered in paint

so I yell and swear at the computer for a while
and it just stares dumbly back at me
probably laughing to itself
in its electronic way

sending signals out to the other computers
the other robots around the world:

I think we’re nearly there, boys
it didn’t take long to get these humans hooked
turn them into a big planet
full of internet junkies